Nana

Dear Quinn,
On the day of your first birthday, our Nana passed away.  She was Mom-Mom's Mommy, my grandmother and your great-grandmother. 

My Nana could be quite old fashioned, and her Catholicism was very important to her.  It was for these reasons that I worried about her reaction to my pregnancy with you.  I feared that she would be disappointed in me, or even ashamed of me.  I will never forget making that phone call, or what Nana said when I told her the news.  Much to my surprise, she said that it was wonderful, that she was happy for me, and even very proud. 

I'm not sure Nana will ever know how much her blessing meant to me.  At the time I was still uneasy myself about being pregnant.  But Nana had already lived eighty-some years, and she could see the bigger picture where I could not. 

Take a look at the photo above - there is your great grandmother, Kathleen, standing on the left - with her brothers, her sister, and your great, great grandparents.  Now look more closely, Quinn - do you see Mom-Mom in the picture, or Mommy - or yourself? 

Think about all the events that led to you.  If those two people in the photo had never met, or my Nana hadn't married my Pop-Pop, if Mom-Mom never went on a date with Pop-Daddy, if I never fell in love with your Dad - you wouldn't have been born.   

But all those things did happen, and that can only mean one thing - that you were meant to be here.  Nana understood that.  She knew that these little surprises, whether or not they are part of our own plans, are what life is made of.  We don't always know what is best for our own lives, but we have to trust that we are a part of something larger than ourselves.

I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us, but that our decisions play a part as well.  Whenever you are unsure of what to do or how to act, think about your parents, grandparents and great-grandparents and try to do what would have made them proud.  Follow your instincts and know that you are being guided by the spirits of your protectors, of people you have loved and lost. 

After the funeral many of my aunts, uncles and cousins stood up to share their memories of Nana, but I did not have the courage.  So I will take the opportunity now to thank her for giving me an amazing family, for giving me my Mommy - for giving me the opportunity to have you. 

I was lucky enough to have 33 years with my grandmother.  I had the privilege of knowing her as an adult and the honor of introducing her to my own daughter.  Your Mom-Mom took you many times to see her and cheer her up in the last weeks of her life, and I am so grateful to her for doing that.  I will always cherish my memories of my Nana, and I will work hard to ensure that you also have a special bond with your grandparents.

Kathleen Quinn left an incredible legacy - 14 children, 39 grandchildren - and 6 great-grandchildren (so far).   You are a part of that legacy - and you bear the name of the entire family.  Make us all proud, Quinn!  We love you so much. 

Meeting Nana for the first time.
Your Daddy insisted that he be the one to bring you to her!

Christmas, 2012

 

Kathleen Quinn and Quinn Smith - May, 2013